The unexamined life is not worth living.
When I think about socrates words I wonder what we are made of how we think and why those that think more suffer more.
We almost seem to come in types: naive, bubbly, free spirit, rebellious, goodie, and shell. The shell type is almost like the TF2 spy they can take on the facade that is needed at that point in time. things can go horribly wrong but they will keep smiling while the dam of emotions is filling them up only drizzling out in the little outbursts and occasional nocturnal tears.
When I did my art project I had concerns shooting through my mind like the tiny little lead balls from a shotgun. Would I be judged? Would people recognise me and make assumptions? Would I be able to deal with any consequences that arose from the drawings? At the point when my worries and concerns were the worst and almost ate me alive I said to myself “STOP” I took these worries and fears and stripped them from my mind. I made the decision to not care.
I won’t lie to you not caring is very hard. It requires a lot of self control and even more guts. In those drawings I felt like my very being got poured into them. Not so much in the process of drawing but in the almost impossible decision to put myself out there and to believe that in doing so I was giving more of myself into the artworks. I think I have succeeded but my battle is far from over.
The next thing that scared me was people that I knew reading my blog. I subsequently stopped advertising it on places that I would be recognised as who I am IRL not just that Kitty person that shares her travels and thoughts on the interwebs. When my family started reading regularly and commenting on my posts and writings it was the worst I had ever felt with the blog. I felt like I couldn’t be open with it anymore like my very much public diary had finally been found by those that weren’t supposed to find it. This has been the reason for my at best sporadic writing. I’m sorry about that…
What I really want to say with this: if you are battling with this sorta thing be it feeling alone or feeling down send me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org . We can have a chat and get to know each other better.
Also remember what Alaska said: We may loose a battle, but mischief always wins the war.
Till then x